“I might be wrong about this, but…”
“I’m no expert, but…”
“Would we maybe be willing to consider doing it this way?”
“Does this make sense?”
Common wisdom1 suggests not only that that these types of phrases discredit you and undermine whatever point you are trying to make, but also that they are used more often by women than by men.
The only thing better than common wisdom is research, and the only thing better than research is research in the form of cleverly named academic articles, one of which confirms that women do use these qualifiers more often than men (though the gender language gap is surprisingly small). The evidence regarding whether disclaimers actually make you less persuasive, though, is far less black and white, and—like the disclaimers themselves—suggests shades of gray.
A recent study examined interactions on the Reddit forum ChangeMyView, where people post a belief they hold and invite others to challenge it, designating arguments that successfully changed their view with a delta sign. Among the factors found to increase an argument’s persuasiveness was hedging, or indicating uncertainty.
How Hedging is a Helpful Habit
Imagine the last time someone told you, to your face, that you were wrong. Did this make you open minded to whatever was said next, or did it make you defensive, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth and a bad opinion of your accuser?
If you are similar to most people, arguments made with a softer tone, that posit that an alternate explanation may be correct (rather than asserting it outright) are more convincing. In persuasion, nuance and niceties are powerful tools.
Indicating uncertainty implies that there are a number of possible arguments to be made, and that yours is only one of many that may be valid. Doing so demonstrates that you have an open mind. Attitudes, such as open-mindedness, are highly contagious. Thus, observing other people being open to new ideas makes you more open to new ideas as well.
When to be Rigid; When to Exhibit Timid Humility
This is not to say that qualifiers, hedges, and disclaimers should be used with reckless abandon; demonstrating absolute certainty is the right answer in many situations (e.g. when giving a presentation, when answering the question “what should we do for dinner?,” etc.). Certainty is a virtue in one-way communication, when you want to impart a message and aren’t looking to be challenged or have a long conversation.
However, if your intention is to engage in a two-way dialogue where ideas are freely exchanged, where people are open to building on each other’s ideas, and where the best idea—rather than the one stated most forcefully—rises to the top, then hedging is your friend. Furthermore, it can build your credibility not only as someone open to all ideas, but as someone with the confidence and self-awareness to admit that your ideas aren’t always finished products. The more people come to see you as credible, confident, and self-aware, the more they will respect you.
Footnotes:
- And by “common wisdom” I mean HBR articles, Google executives, popular browser extensions, and movement-starting Sheryl Sandberg-penned best-sellers.
Intersections 